


Does It Hurt Anymore?

by AkelaKela



Series: Theo Raeken [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Injury, Brotp, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Development, Character Study, Childhood Trauma, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, Epic Bromance, Gen, Good Theo Raeken, Hurt Theo Raeken, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Torture, Injured Liam Dunbar, Injured Theo Raeken, Medical Phobia, Medical Trauma, Phobia of Needles, Psychological Trauma, Theo Raeken Has Nightmares, Theo has issues, Theo-centric, Thiam, Thiam as a BROTP
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-08-07 23:56:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16418489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkelaKela/pseuds/AkelaKela
Summary: Theo's character development actually made me cry and so this was born.





	Does It Hurt Anymore?

**Author's Note:**

> lol what even is this.

It starts with the night in the hospital. They might have both made it into the lift and out of the hospital, but damn Liam's earnest blue eyes and serious shoulders because something makes Theo skid to a stop outside the elevator doors and smirk like some badass before the doors close. What surprises him even more than his self-sacrificing behaviour is Liam's behaviour. He actually throws himself at the closing doors, yelling as though his best friend is going to die. Theo doesn't have time to think about that, because he's too busy feeling like a cheap knockoff of Scott, facing down the Ghost Riders with nothing but glowing eyes and his overly inflated bravado.

He doesn't expect himself to, but he actually escapes, rolling headfirst down a flight of stairs in the emergency exit and breaking his collarbone in the process. Trust Liam to have a miraculous brainwave at the last possible moment though, because the minute they're almost in the clear he decides that he's going into the hunt and jumps onto a horse he announces that he can't ride before galloping off. Theo could have killed the little bastard.

Things pretty much go downhill from there, because everything feels weird. He takes a second look at a homeless lady across the street from the grocery store and slips her a few bucks even though he really can't afford and now he feels stupid about it because he's running low on fuel. He feels bad about picking pockets even though he really needs the money this time and that doesn't feel really good. Guilt feels even worse on him than it smells on others.

-

The bullet is firing stinging pain down his arm and across his shoulder and Theo groans, pressing on the hole in his arm. He stands, sliding himself up the wall. Gabe crawls away from them, the blood leaking from his perforated body smearing the hospital floor. His hand stains the transparent cabinet door with his blood as it slides down weakly and Theo can smell fear, but most of it is just pain. He walks towards to the bloodied, broken body propped up against the cabinets, not sure what he's going to do. Before the most merciful thing he'd have done was break the boy's neck to put him out of his misery. He can hear Gabe's thready pulse and shallow breaths.

"It hurts." Gabe sobs over and over. He doesn't have long to live. Theo walks by Liam and Melissa. He can smell the confused, garbled emotions leaking off Liam. There's anger and sorrow, all weighing down on the knotted shoulders, heaving with the deep breaths Liam is taking. He favours the leg with the wolfsbane-laced bullet buried inside it. Nolan limps forward, staring at Gabe, but like everyone else, can't bring himself to go nearer. 

Gabe's eyes are feverish, glazed over and he keeps repeating himself, as though he wants to ask someone to make it stop. Theo can hear it in his voice. He knows what it's like, the ripping, heart-rending, blinding pain all too well. Theo stares down, and to his surprise all he feels is sorrow. Something he'd almost forgotten feeling. His brain doesn't snap him into anger or indifference. All he can think of is how sad it is. A kid with his whole life ahead of him, all of what he could have been flushed down the drain so quickly for nothing. Gabe's afraid, Theo can smell it on him and so he kneels, takes Gabe's arm between his hands. Gabe's staring at him with confusion written all over his face, because who would expect him, of all people to do this? There are tears shining on his cheeks, mixing with the blood dripping down his chin. It's not as if Theo hasn't seen this all before, hasn't seen someone breathing their last in the throes of agony and regret. He knows that everyone's watching him now, and he wonders what's happened to him when he realises that he doesn't care, doesn't give a shit about how this looks to anyone.

 _'You can't take pain if you don't care.'_ Mason had said. He's not sure whether he can do it until the pain flows up his arm, nauseating him. Caring hurts, he realises. It hurts to look at Gabe and know that he didn't have to die, that none of it was necessary. It hurts to feel, to feel sorrow and pain and want to cry and be so human. It's difficult to describe pain. The pain coming from Gabe would be creeping and aching, dull and throbbing like a terrible stomach ache if he had to put it into words. Gabe's body relaxes and Theo looks into his eyes, wondering why tears are gathering in his own. The pain in his heart is different, a dull ache mirroring the lump in his throat that he swallows down.

"Does it hurt anymore?" He asks softly. He's good at compartmentalising, faking and hiding emotion and he's glad of it again when he doesn't allow his face to shift into the expression of horror and pity it should. It's probably a good thing this time. Gabe doesn't have to know how badly he's hurt this way.

"No." Gabe shakes his head.

"Good." Theo replies, just before Gabe goes still, his heartbeat petering out in Theo's ears and then suddenly there's no pain left to take. The eyes that were just looking up into his are glassy, empty. And Theo can feel a tear trickle down his cheek. Gabe dies searching Theo's even, unreadable blue eyes. He looks so heartbreakingly young, suddenly, lying there with his eyes closed and Theo remembers that he's just a teenager, his life sucked away into the vacuum of prejudice and hatred. He cares and wonders why, why he gives a flying fuck even as he places Gabe's arm back reverently. It's light now, as though the soul that used to be Gabe is truly gone.

-

Taking the pain probably hadn't been the best idea strategically, but he didn't regret it at all, piling into his truck with Liam, Corey and Mason, even when his steps to the animal clinic faltered as he supported Liam. They limped through the doors together and he laid Liam down on the table, shredding the fabric away from the wound with his claws, ignoring Liam's complaints about his favourite pair of jeans.

Dr. Deaton raised the blowtorch, warning Theo and Derek to hold Liam down before he played the flame over the wound. Liam bucked and thrashed, his eyes burning a brilliant gold as he roared in pain. Theo gripped his arms tighter, surprised when he felt his own shoulders sagging under the weight of the pain he was siphoning off. He wasn't quite sure he'd meant to until he saw Liam's head drop back, his eyes closing for a few moments before the bullet was dug out of his leg. Caring hurt again, but he didn't mind. Pain wrapped around his shoulders and ribs, filling his joints like acid and his hands slipped from Liam's shoulders and Theo just barely caught himself on the edge of the operating table, his head swimming, vision blurring around the edges.

"Are you alright Theodore?" The veterinarian asks and Theo would correct him, tell him to just call him Theo if he could speak properly. He gasps, trying to catch his breath. It's just like the asthma attacks he used to get as a kid, his chest tight, air barely passing beyond his throat no matter how hard he tried to breathe.

Derek strides over, and damn, Theo wants to kick him when he digs into the wound in his shoulder with his claws, digging the bullet out oblivious to Theo's howls of pain. The bullet clatters to the floor, slick with blood and Theo thinks it's over. Then his shoulder erupts in pain again, the smell of his own burning flesh filling his nose. He wants to throw up and digs his claws into the edge of the operating table by Liam's head, denting the metal when Derek hastily puts out his shirt after it catches fire.

"Gee, thanks. I liked that shirt." He snaps, his voice strained around his clenched fangs.

"No problem." Derek says before he sets the blowtorch down ambles out of the room.

Theo feels lightheaded from the pain, like he hasn't eaten in days. Everything around his is too bright, the sounds around him echoing over and over in his ears. He backs away, sliding down the wall for support. He feels drained, like the life's been sucked out of him. Scott's face, blood running from his eye sockets, the blood staining the hospital floor flash before him. Everything is drenched in blood, the stench of death hanging over the entire town. It's sick and Theo can't keep thinking about it. 

They had to do this to him. Bring him back, make him half human again. He's human again, and he wonders how he's going to do this without breaking. He knew, as soon as he crawled out of the ground that something was different. He cares and he hates it, loves it. He's human now and for what? To watch people die? To see all the pain, to feel it, to take it?

-

Scott, Stiles, Malia and Argent leave Beacon Hills and Liam is left in charge, to patrol the town and organise whatever's left of the Mccall Pack. To Theo's surprise, it includes him. He's begun to rough it in the preserve since he can usually get at least a full night's sleep before someone kicks him out. It's dangerous but Theo's gotten really bad at self-preservation and manipulation in general and says nothing to the people he could call his friends. He could probably weasel his way onto someone's couch if he wanted, but he doesn't even have to tell himself that he doesn't do that anymore.

The 'Inner Circle' is just Liam, Mason, Theo and Corey now and Liam's pretty much officially in charge, the torch passed to him now that Scott's several miles away at UC Davis. Beacon Hills is split down the middle, with sympathisers and supernaturals on one side and hunters on the other. 

Theo stares out of the window at his feet, cramped into the back seat. Usually he can tire himself out enough to sleep cramped up like this, but his body is protesting too much today. Either his back's gotten more temperamental or the seat's harder than it used to be. Either way, Theo tosses and turns, beginning to wish for even his brand of horror-plagued sleep. Finally he can bare it no longer and his fatigue makes him do something really dumb.

He opens the door to the truck and, forgetting to lock it, climbs up into the bed, exposed to the open air. It's a little cold, so he zips up his hoodie and curls up under the blanket. 

_"Theoo..." Her voice is always a sinister whisper, echoing off the walls of the abandoned hospital. He just stands there this time, watching her grey features twist as she drags herself closer and closer towards him. He can feel the fear, the feeling so all-encompassing that he wants to bend over and puke his guts out. He hates it. But this is is his retribution. So when he stands in front of him, the gaping wound in her chest, the empty chasm behind her cracked and mangled ribs asking him, he falls to his knees, closes his eyes and waits for her to take what's hers._

_"You don't have to stop." He breathes before she tears her heart out of his chest and his tears fall, eyes opening wide in shock before he collapses._

"Bad dream?" Theo's blinded by the light flooding the forest around him, barely making the silhouettes of the armed hunters surrounding him. He's really fucked up this time, he thinks. There's no way he can wiggle out of this twice. 

"Come on then." He growls grimly, raising his head to reveal his golden eyes.

A smoke grenade falls, bouncing once, twice on the ground before the cloying scent of wolfsebane fills the air. The smoke is thick, the beams of light from the hunter's vehicles cutting through it like sharpened golden blades.

Theo's always been good at this. Slashing his way through people hell-bent on killing him. So for the first few minutes they drop like flies, knocked aside by his elbows and feet and dragged into the dark by the monster they're hunting. But there's so many of them and only one of him. A bullet bites into his shoulder first, then another embeds itself into his ribs. A knife slashes across his stomach and Theo grabs a hunter by the neck, roaring in his face before he tosses him back, wincing when his body dents the tailgate of his truck.

An arrow whistles through the air and hits it's mark in his chest. He looks down, the cloying smell of wolfsbane filling the air before he drops to his knees. The arrow is sticking out of the middle of his chest and he wheezes, wrapping his trembling hands around the wooden shaft. With the last vestiges of his waning strength, Theo tips his head back and howls a long, mournful note of desperation before he collapses, his vision flickering. Something that remotely resembles a javelin stabs down, impaling him and Theo screams, his voice scarily human. The blood is trickling out of the puncture wound, staining his ruined hoodie. He clutches at the metal stake protruding from his midsection, pain consuming his mind. Black spots dance across his blurry vision.

Theo doesn't have the strength to do more than whimper when someone rips the spear out of him and plunges it into his left thigh. His body twitches, blood seeping from the corner of his mouth and down his face.

It's really over for him now.

And just like that alone, beaten and broken on the ground, Theo Raeken lets his eyes close.

It's an earth-shattering howl that jolts him awake. Someone breaks through the mists surrounding him and he knows it's Liam before his nose catches up with his brain. Because there's no one else he knows that would pistol-whip someone in the face at what's probably 3am in his pyjamas. 

Theo chuckles, the movement sending his chest into fresh paroxysms of pain. He just can't help himself because Liam is what most of his generation would call a 'smol badass'. He can hear him punching someone in the face and then yelling 'I _said_ excuse me!'.

The next thing he knows Liam is dragging him onto the back of the truck and scrabbling for the keys in his pocket. He slaps them into Liam's hand, his blood-slimed fingers colder than they should be. Liam stares down at him for a few moments, his brow furrowed.

Theo can't describe the drive to the animal clinic as anything less than agony. Liam's a certifiable maniac on the road. The truck's tyres screech around hairpin turns and Theo can swear he even drives over a divider when the U-turn is too far ahead. They stagger into the clinic from the back way and by this time Theo can't move. His feet drag on the ground.

"Hey, Theo?" Liam puts a hand on his shoulder and he wants to answer but blood heaves out of his throat instead of the snarky thanks he meant to spit out. It's black, waterier than blood should be all over the floor. He stares at it because wolfsbane doesn't hurt like that, because he's not meant to hurt like that. Liam practically body slams him onto the table in a panic. The lights above him are fuzzy around the edges, voices muffled in his ears as though someone's stuffed cotton into them. He can hear words in short snatches, like pieces of an incomplete puzzle.

"-elp-im-poison-do something!" Liam sounds like he's losing it as he screams into his phone and Theo wants to call him a pussy and dumb for being scared shitless but it hurts too much to talk. His eyes flutter closed just as Liam grabs his head, shaking him hard enough to snap his neck.

Theo comes to with the taste of bile and something sharper on his tongue and in his throat, too weak to even sit up. The lights above are off now and it's probably just as well because his head is hurting like a son of a bitch. He runs his hand through his hair, contacting a bandage around his forehead. His hand is trailing an IV and he freezes, staring at the needle disappearing into his skin, feeling his heart race in spite of himself. It's taped down to stop it from hurting him, he guesses but he rips it out, shaking the drops of blood from the back of his hand off, breathing hard.

The Dread Doctors used to do it all the time. Huge tubes, pumping poison into veins that shouldn't be sliced up like that. They'd cut into people like they were slabs of meat to practice on, like they didn't matter. Theo hadn't cared then, but the screams echoed in his ears now, the millions of faces an after-image behind his eyelids. His hands are still shaking when Liam walks in, limping just slightly, a hand pressed to his side. All he can hear of is the sound of his ribs cracking as they wrenched them open to replace his heart, all he can see is the look in his sister's cold, empty eyes as her heart it stitched into his chest.

"Theo? Uh, you kind of need that." Liam says, jolting him from his dismal reverie.

"I'm good." Theo growled, sliding himself off the cold table, staggering when his head spun. He grabbed the cabinet, closing his eyes and trying to steady himself.

"You lost a lot of blood Theo. Sit down." Liam sounds tired himself as he walks towards him and helps him into a chair. Theo's too distracted, gripping the arms of the chair because the room is spinning around him and he feels like he's going to fall over even though he's sitting down. He doesn't hear Liam wheel the drip over. Someone takes his hand. Liam's hands are shaking.

"I don't like needles either." Liam sounds as scared as he looks when he cluthes the needle. "And I don't really know how to do this without hurting you but Deaton's not here and I did get Melissa to show me." Theo tries to imagine Liam trying to patch someone up, and it's more cute than funny if he's honest. Liam with his earnest blue gaze and clenched fists, his easy to read emotions, honest, open face.

"You know, the first time I watched Melissa treat Lydia it didn't go so well. She had to inject her neck or something and I freaked out." Theo winces inwardly, remembering Hayden slipping to the ground, a needle slipping from her neck.

"Hell, I passed out!" Liam does that nervous, yipping laugh that he always does when he's telling an embarrassing story about himself. Like the holes he's always falling in or the toes he's broken getting out of bed early in the morning or the time he broke his nose because he slipped in the shower. 

Then Liam lets go of his hand and he watches him press the tape back over the needle that's magically made its way back under his skin. Liam grins at him, holding his arm down, probably because he expects Theo to freak out again. Then he looks down at Theo's hand and starts to freak out.

"Oh God." He says quietly, turning pale. He backs away, his eyes fixed on the IV before he drops like a sack of rotten potatoes.

"Liam? **Liam!** " Theo vaults out of his seat, more exasperated than concerned. He drags him back, settling with propping him up against the wall since he can't seem to lift him into the chair. Liam's tougher and also apparently heavier than he looks and Theo's arms are feeling dangerously weak. It's not long before the beta wakes, rubbing the back of his head.

"You asshole." He mumbles, because of course the first thing he'd do after blacking out is to insult Theo.

"Glad you're feeling better." Theo replies dryly.

"Told you I didn't like needles." Liam mutters, clearly embarrassed.

"I have to say, I'm impressed." 

"Hey, I tried!" Liam says defensively. He doesn't really sound angry though. It's the same ton he uses when Stiles gets mouthy.

"No, seriously. You were doing great, distracting me with a story about you conking out. I didn't even feel it, which probably means you took the pain so props to you for that too. You were doing so well until you saw this." Theo waves the back of his hand at Liam, chuckling when he winces obviously.

"You freaked out too." Liam mutters, sounding slightly affronted.

"Well I was experimented on for most of my adult life." Theo grimaces, leaning back and closing his eyes.

"Sorry." Liam says after a few minutes. At least he doesn't sound pitying, Theo muses. So he lets it go.

"Don't be sorry. How long do I have to have this in?" The bag is half-empty already and Theo's not sure he can go much longer with something stuck in his hand.

"Deaton said until it was empty. He's gone out to get you something to eat. You bled all over the place and he had to mop it up."

 "Yeah, near-fatal wounds tend to do that to you." Theo says dryly.

"You're a fucking drama queen, you know that?" Liam giggles and Theo can't help but chuckle. 

"That's rich coming from the guy who just _fainted_." He shoots back.

"Point." Liam concedes. It's nice like this, Theo thinks. This is one of those times when he can almost forget the Dread Doctors and hell. It's so easy, falling into the familiar pattern of easy poking at each other. The two languish there for a while in comfortable silence and Liam finds himself listening to the steadying _thump-thump_ of Theo's heart, knowing Theo's probably analysing his scent like he always does.

Liam drives the truck this time, since Theo had barely put up a fight after he'd almost been carried to it. The sun's just out and it must be around 6am. It hits Theo that they've spent all night being whacked, shot at and poisoned.

"Be careful with my baby." He says and Liam sniffs the air surreptitiously. 

"You sleep here don't you?" He asks carefully, spotting the ruined up blanket Theo had abandoned in the truck bed. The truck smells like he does, the smell of sweat in the backseat not easy to wash out.

"Yeah." Theo says easily and Liam might not have pushed it if he hadn't heard Theo's heart skip for a split second. He doesn't say anything until they get to his house.

"What're you doing?" Theo says, betraying the pain he's trying to hide when his voice breaks, wincing when Liam's hand brushes a healing exit wound on his left shoulder.

"You're staying with me." Liam says firmly, ducking under Theo's right arm and dragging him across the driveway.

"I'll be fine." Theo protests but Liam is determined and he's sprawled on his bed before he knows what's happening.

"Just sleep." Liam says, kicking off his shoes before he steps into the bathroom and the sound of the shower running lulls Theo to sleep.

It's dark again when he wakes. Liam is nowhere to be seen and his clothes are absolutely disgusting, soaked in blood and sweat and god knows what else. His head is still buzzing and he leaves the bathroom lights off, splashing water over his face before he shifts, staring at his golden eyes and fangs. He almost looks like a real werewolf instead of an experiment in the dim light. He takes a good, long look at himself, wondering whether it would be easier if his eyes glowed blue instead, if his own eyes weren't a lie.

Then Liam's standing behind him, his eyes as golden and fluorescent as his own. 

"I think you look cooler with yellow eyes." He says in the nervous way he always does when he says something nice.

 

 

 


End file.
